I’m sitting here waiting in my parent’s room for Nam to come find me. I’m by myself and the hustle and bustle going on outside is making me anxious. I want to be a part of it–but this time here alone is good. I get to contemplate things. Gotta be careful though! No crying.

Huge huge procrastinator I am. I just spent the last 25 minutes going through Instagram and commenting on random photos, listening to music, and not motivated to work on this wedding program I’m supposed to design for my wedding in one week. Kind of burnt out… but finally finally finally kind of feeling a little bit excited for this wedding. 

With Thanksgiving coming up and people expressing what they are grateful for, it’s made me realize that I’m completely grateful for the people in my life right now who have stepped up for me. Crazy what it all takes… but thankful that I finally realize. Isn’t that what life’s all about? Living and realizing and understanding and being grateful and appreciative? Being positive and looking forward to more great things to come.

I simply cannot wait.

By the way, totally have been missing this stream of conscious writing. This is what I needed.

They say the happiest day of a girl’s life is her wedding day. Really? That’s one very specific day of all the days of my life so far (not to mention all the days of my long life that is yet to come). I’m so glad I read this article. Hopefully I’ll remember this post from this moment to next Saturday when I’m feeling the pressure. Specifically, I’ll remember that it’s okay that I am not feeling what I expect I should be feeling.

http://www.weddingbee.com/2012/11/02/feeling-anxious-on-wedding-day/

If I had a lot of money, all the music throughout the day of our wedding would be live piano or string quartet. But since that’s not possible, I’m on Amazon listening to different wedding piano-light strings type of songs. I don’t even know if the guests will notice. It’ll be good background noise so it’s not awkward while guests are waiting. 18 more days…

Shit. I just got sad that I’ll be moving out of the house in a few weeks… married and living on my own, even though I’ve been away for a bit. Shit shit shit. Shit.

I’m excited… and sad. How the heck…

I deactivated my Facebook. It’s temporary I think. It’s just that, I feel sometimes… whatever. Not worth talking about here in an open forum. 

Definitely it was hard. My heart fluttered a bit… Hah. Crazy huh? First time ever since… early 2000-something. Whatever.

It’s going to fly by, I’m sure, because I have so much I need to take care of before then. But at the same time, it can’t come soon enough. I cannot wait to marry my fiancé. It’s been a hard and hectic road these last two years… But finally almost here is what I always wanted for the both of us since the first year we met.

I want to write my own vows, but I’m afraid I’ll just cry throughout the whole ceremony. These days–umm months… I’ve been such a sap. I get emotional over every little thing good and bad. So I’m sure there is no way I could get through personalized vows. I guess… I’ll just write it in a card and hand it to him… Keep it private instead and say the traditional vows out loud in front of guests.

20 more days… It’s gonna go by fast I’m sure. But I really wish it were all planned already and it was here next weekend. Can’t wait to see my friends and family altogether in one room.